Why I Don't Read Novels:

Back when I was a teacher they started a program where they wanted teachers to read in front of their students to encourage their students to see that reading was fun. I failed. I was a busy intern and I hate reading. I just couldn't bring myself to fake it. So here is my disclaimer, I am not a good reader. My mind tends to wonder and I read really slow, which doesn't help that I am not a very patient person and I have to finish the book. Don't get me wrong, I love the adventure of the story, but once I start, I can't stop. Which means that if I start a book, I can not stop until I am finished. I will memorize every aspect of that book, I will eat sleep and dream about that book. I do fine with short children's stories, informational books and comics, but a full novel is just too long. Reading long books does not go well when I should probably actually take care of my family. When this mom reads a book, little children go hungry, potty training kids wet their pants, children watch more than the allotted hour of television, no one takes a nap or goes to bed, all medicines are forgotten, husbands go hungry, children dress themselves, they solve their own fights, their own way, and everyone eats each other. Not to mention I spend a lot of time hiding in the bathroom. Interesting enough my sister showed me a deal on Amazon where I could get a boxed set of seven books for 99 cents. All Christian authors so I would not have to worry about any swearing or uncomfortable sex scenes. I have not read anything for awhile so I thought maybe this would be a good opportunity to read something fun. It turns out that it was not a seven book series, but seven books by different authors that are the starts to seven different series! Okay, well played Amazon. Now I realize that I am going to be buying a few more book. For someone who loves to read and has some self control not to rip through all these books as fast as they can, this is great news, but for me the goal orientated reader this could be bad for the entire human race. This now makes it so I will probably read 21 books instead of seven. That also means I will probable spend another $42 on books. Reading is an expensive habit. (To tell you the truth now that I am writing this, I am not sure why I thought I was going to read seven books in a row either. I guess I was feeling lofty. Or maybe it was because all of my kids were puking their guts out and I realized I was never going to sleep again so I might as well do something with all that time.) So I read the first book and I liked it, but I was hooked. So, of course, I had to start into the next two and in two days I was finished. There are some things that I realized about myself while reading. Either people in books are super emotional or there is something wrong with me. While I enjoyed the unlikely action in the book, I couldn't help but laugh at the inner turmoil the main character had all the time, even when in reality it would be too scary to even think. For example, When in imminent danger, and I think I am about to die, I do not think to myself, "Wow that guy, who is about to die with me, is hot!" I think, "Oh no, I am about to die." If I am on a mission to save my lover from evil villains I do not think, 'Wow this guy helping me is so good looking maybe I should just quit my search and go for him instead." or "I feel so torn, my secret agent boy friend had to lie to me about some mission involving him wooing another girl. in the name of national security and saving hundreds of lives. I'm so offended." Guess what honey, he's a secret agent, that's what they do. But don't worry hot guy still loves you and if not other hot guy loves you too, even though you have never had anyone ever like you before. Somehow now you are the most desirable girl on Earth. To everyone, even the bad guys. I also enjoyed the unimaginable ability of the pencil thin stick girl with no real training to be the most lethal agent of all time. While her male counterparts were so helpless to save her or themselves. Even though they were the best Homeland Security agents in the US. (Suddenly I don't feel very safe.). Of course, she always conveniently swooned once they were out of danger, giving the men a chance to be chivalrous, and for her to get a good nap. All in all a great experience so far. No one died in the reading of these books. Did I mention I overthink things. Perhaps another reason I should not read novels.